The Three Main Reasons Why Macs Suck (Part 3)

So yeah, I got a Mac. And I have some new reasons why Macs suck. I fucking hate this stupid ass thing. I’m about ready to literally throw it in the trash and get a Surface Pro XP, those things are awesome! My friend has one and there are a million apps for it!

I think Macs suck hard and here are more reasons to not buy one and avoid them at all costs.

First things first, no games! Where are the games on this thing? I googled “games mac” on bing and what came back was shocking: nothing. 0 results.

What the fuck Apple? If the smooth talking techno dude with the beard at the the Apple store had told me there were no games for it, I would have told him to shove it. I need my damn minesweeper! How else am I supposed to distract my children from my failed marriage?

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Apple Buying Beats for 3.2 Billion, Why? Synergy?

Wow, so, Apple, the company with the “UI” expert Tim Ive, think they can just buy Beats and form synergy? They are seriously being misled by Tim. Why Tim? Why would you do this? Purchase the second shittiest company in existance as the first shittiest company in the world?

The Beats Music app is terrible in it’s own way and probably needs it’s own post. The last time I used that crap it was three straight hours of Gloria Estefan.

Um, I had already listened to her all morning. It was annoying.

Let’s talk about Beats headphones–they’re garbage for a few reasons. The first reason is this stupid ass banana plug adapter. Am I supposed to just have a dual banana plug to 1/8″ stereo (two mono channels) lying around? I mean, I did, but, that’s besides the point. Why make things so much more difficult for their users?

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New Firefox Extension Makes The Mundane Thrilling, Sexy

“I closed that tab about halfway into the second paragraph,” shouts Tray Barton, self proclaimed internet ADD sufferer. “I mean, all of the information on the internet excites me to the point of climax, but… I can never get through an article without spacing out and navigating away from the page to find more demotivational posters.” kamagra buy kamagra jelly cheapest price viagra cost of cialis

Tray, like most internetters, has the attention span of a 6 year old on microdots. But all of that is about to change with a new, innovative Firefox extension.

The programmer, Charlie Woods, expounded upon the new extension which is due to be released early next year. Now with moar screenshots!

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Three More Reasons Why Macs Suck (Part 2)

Why are people still sending us hate mail telling us Macs are better than PCs? I’m back to beat the dead horse with three MORE reasons why Macs suck.

As Macs have slowly infiltrated my place of residence, clogging the intranet tubes like Steve Job’s pubic hair in the sink, I’ve become pissed beyond belief. I think Macs suck hard and here are more reasons to not buy one and avoid them at all costs.

You still can’t run Windows Millennium XP on Mac hardware, or any other awesome Microsoft products. Apple hasn’t put out a good operating system since Apple DOS 3.3 and that’s a fact. In an age where I can run Windows Millennium XP alongside Windows 95, why can’t I dual boot yet on a Mac? It is because the snobby, pretentious marketing department at Apple realizes Mac OS 9 will never live up to any Microsoft products. It doesn’t even have Notepad! What kind of operating system doesn’t have that? If I didn’t need notepad, I would run a Linux.

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Why The Apple iPhone Sucks

Steve Jobs is sustained through eating Placentas and the iPhone sucks assI am pleased to announce Blue Damage has received a shiny, coveted gadget symbolizing a higher status in the tech community. Yes, it’s an advanced copy of the Apple iPhone. I was able to get my muculent mitts around this cellular device several months in advance. A Mac employee wanting to remain anonymous is a friend of the family. Don’t worry though; it won’t affect our bias at all. In fact, we think the iPhone sucks. Hard. These reasons should give you the right to smack anyone in the face calling the iPhone revolutionary, the end all of mobile computing or the greatest thing since Full House. We liked Full House a lot, especially Dave Coulier. Saying that is almost disrespectful. On to the review, here are a few reasons why the Apple iPhone sucks the proverbial big one.

Right off the bat you realize the iPhone doesn’t come with buttons! Why would they release something without such a modernized convenience? How can you even control it? I’ve tried using wireless bluetooth keyboards, a P2 Dell laptop with Firewire 800, even a cat. How about a got damn slide out keyboard? Nothing. We finally figured out how to control the iPhone. If you use a knife, or some sort of jagged object, you can get the phone to respond to touch commands. However, this left lacerations all over the surface of the phone. They wouldn’t even buff out with a brillo pad! I figured they would have made these things rugged. Not a good start here.

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10 Things that Would Be Weird to Hate

There are things you love and things that you hate. There are also things you love to hate. Since 95% of the internet deals with things people just plain hate, we decided to do something different. Blue Damage decided to give it a spin, non-hannitized, and discuss things that are really weird to hate.

1) Clyesdales

The first thing on the list Clyesdales. Who sees those Budweiser commercials and says, “God I fucking hate Clyesdales.” No, you look at those commercials and say, “Budweiser tastes like stale chemicals.” You could also hate the company, especially if you were fired from the Keystone Light factory 6 months ago because of a “pale ale” incident. Or, you are just a beer snob because you don’t have any hobbies. Have you ever received a Clyesdale steamer? Anyhow, Clyesdales. No one hates them.

2) A Notary

The second thing is the elusive Notary. Yes, it’s quite frustrating when you have to get something notarized, but, we will focus on the actual person who is the Notary. A notary is completely neutral. There is a scenario, however, where you have to go to an actual Notary Service Center and pay a $2.00 fee.

That never happens though. You always find out someone you didn’t think would be a Notary. Like a coworker… or your wife or brother. It’s like a secret society and they probably have their own handshake. One day, it is possible Notaries will take a bigger place as government lobbyists. Then, they will be easily hated by the masses.

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