New Firefox Extension Makes The Mundane Thrilling, Sexy

“I closed that tab about halfway into the second paragraph,” shouts Tray Barton, self proclaimed internet ADD sufferer. “I mean, all of the information on the internet excites me to the point of climax, but… I can never get through an article without spacing out and navigating away from the page to find more demotivational posters.” kamagra buy kamagra jelly cheapest price viagra cost of cialis

Tray, like most internetters, has the attention span of a 6 year old on microdots. But all of that is about to change with a new, innovative Firefox extension.

The programmer, Charlie Woods, expounded upon the new extension which is due to be released early next year. Now with moar screenshots!

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Read to me, Morgan Freeman.

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“Basically, you’ll be able to highlight any text on a web page, right click and select from a list of familiar voices to read the text to you. Morgan Freeman was my first choice to work with. I sat down with him for months, recording him reading every page on the internet. That was quite easy compared to the kidnapping. This guy put up a hell of a fight,” Charlie confided. viagra bangkok where to buy can 100mg viagra cut half can you get generic viagra

He added canada goose down mittens for women Canada Goose mens replica price, “It’s hard to keep up with all the new pages being created on the internet each day, however, Freeman has been a really good sport about the whole thing.”

The extension, clocking in at just over 13.3TB of data, is being welcomed with open arms in the internets community. The number of voices isn’t great at the moment; you can choose between Morgan Freeman and David Attenborough.

“Strangely enough, David welcomed the project, stated that he had pretty much already read aloud every page on the internet and recorded it using Windows Sound Recorder. This guy is a fucking machine,” Charlie told us. opiniones cialis 20 mg

While the extension is quite the amazing advancement, we dislike the choices Charlie was making for future voices. We disagreed with him on using the AOL movie phone guy and Sigourney Weaver. I mean, she basically ruined the American version of Planet Earth. David Attenborough was the clear choice here. “His voice really turns me on,” Charlie told us.

It turned us on too, Charlie.

The “Read in a Sexy Voice” extension is still in Beta and being tested in an invite only environment. We have invites, post why you should get one and we’ll hook you up if the comment is good enough.

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Do you ever stop to think about how lucky you are to be alive?

11 thoughts on “New Firefox Extension Makes The Mundane Thrilling, Sexy”

  1. hey… was that demotivational posters line supposed to be a crack at me?!? touche sir… you’ve win yourself a free horsey ride…

  2. there’s nothing to fear. that’s just ol’ clip clop and he’s as gentle as a georgia sunset. why dontcha feed him a carrot and make yourself a new buddy?

  3. It would be nice to have some extinguished voices like those of Captain Picard, James Earl Jones, and Rosanne. Perhaps we can summon the spirit of Anna Nicole Smith, dope her up to her former self, and have her try to read the internets as well.

  4. Funny. I don’t remember posting that. Of course, August is the month that I drink the most furnituer polish polish polish polish po

  5. hay do you guys want a writer or admin to keep this stuff alive? I am practically farting one liners over here and they are going to waste.

    In a sprite bottle.

    That I am saving.

    For future reference when I am too hungry and poor to remember what food tastes like.

  6. A SCARY WAY TO BREAK UP!!!!! DO NOT stop reading this or something bad will happen!!!!!!!!

    One day, Sarah was walking home from school when her boyfriend drove by and honked at her to get in. She got in his car and he drove her to the lake. Her boyfriend said he was going to tell her something very important.

    Sarah could have sworn he was going to propose. However, he flicked her off, pushed her in the lake and yelled, “I am breaking up with you, you awful …….!! I hate you and I think that maybe you should just end your ………….. life! DUMB ………………..!!!”

    He laughed and drove off. It was a very cold day. Sarah climbed out of the lake, freezing cold, and feeling the worst she had in her entire life. She got home went in a hot bath, and slit her wrists and died in the bathtub.

    Her parents yelled and screamed at her to get out until they finally broke the door down. They saw no body, but the entire bathroom was dripping with her blood. Her mom went insane and killed herself three days later, her dad is in prison, accused of murder.

    Later that week, Sarah’s exboyfriend was taking a shower when she came from the drain, rotting and bloody, with a razor in her hand and said “Goodbye Jason.” She cut his throat before he could scream.

    If you do not repost this with the title “1 scary way to break up”, you are a heartless …………..and Sarah come to you in the shower from the drain, and will kill you the same way she killed her boyfriend. 24 ppl have broken this chain and died

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