The internet has a lot of information on it… well, that’s an understatement. It is estimated to have over 1,000 floppy disks worth of data just throughout America alone. How would a CIA agent go through all that information to find potential threats, leads on important cases and squash out conspiracy theories that might have a bit of truth to them? “You go web 2.0,” an undercover CIA operative tells us. That’s right, the CIA has infiltrated your social networking sites.
“We’ve been watching the internet for a while, but, now it’s really time to get involved. It’s great stuff. Not only can I search for, find, link to and tag anti-government propaganda with ease, I can search through a database of all of it quickly with Google Blogsearch,” our blurry, mosaic operative told tells us. It’s true. We discovered that our CIA guy was indeed using del.icio.us to tag all of his findings. When questioned why he would use a public service, he told us, “We do stupid things like that all of the time. Remember the Bin Laden video a few weeks back? Yeah, we played that before Al-Queda released it, tipping them off to the fact we had undercover agents intercepting their communications. Oops!”
With the Myspace name CIA and the headline “Just looking for some friends… and information,” it’s hard to mistake the purpose of these honey buckets. However, people on the internet are far too trusting for their own good. Also, cocks. As an example, our anonymous CIA informant told us in a pitch-shifted voice, “Last night, I sent out a bulletin asking if anyone in the area could provide me with a connection on scoring some marijuana. Sure enough, 5 people responded. Without the hassles of the Judicial Department and the help from our friends at Verizon, we were able to locate the IP addresses of these individuals, cross reference them and arrest them for intent to traffic marijuana. I mean, it was scary fast.”
Apparently, these honey buckets are easy to create. “It’s even easier on Digg.com. I submit a real moon-bat conspiracy theory story and wait for it to hit front page. Because, let’s face it, it always does. I make a quick call to Kevin Rose, bam. I have a list of thousands of people that subscribe to this anti-government propaganda. Kevin Rose even offers me .csv files so we can easily import into the databases back at the station,” the CIA rep told us.
While it is certainly admirable of the CIA to crack down on all the free speech lovers and stupid hippies, they should probably get back to what they do best: creating enemies and causing blow back to serve as profit for the military industrial complex. Go Team America!