Faith Base Jumping

Save Me Jesus A hip new trend is rapidly growing through America’s cool young religious circles these days called Faith Base Jumping. It is a solo competition event where the pious athletes throw themselves off of a cliff or tall building and while plummeting to the earth below they pray their ass off in the hope that Jesus himself will whisk them away to safety. Winners are decided by the competitor’s ability to beat the clock and reason.

One prospective jumper was overheard saying, “Those other guys are evangelical idiots. They think faith alone will trick Jesus into catching them. Not us Catholics, we’ll have faith in him to build us some parachutes or something, you know, because he was a carpenter, but we know we’ll still have to do some of the work to be saved.” He was later heard to say, “Weee, SPLAT!” Thus adding yet another subtle layer of confusion to the classic christian argument of faith alone VS. faith and good works.

Neither the one, nor the three Christian gods were available for comment, but due to the eerie similarity that Faith Base Jumping has with one of Satan’s temptations of Christ, we here at Blue Damage believe it to be frowned upon.

49 thoughts on “Faith Base Jumping”

  1. This sounds great, I’m gonna try it out tomorrow and I will let you know how it went.

  2. The latest reports state that the Mormon Xtream Team will don their neato suits and then bicycle off of a cliff, chucking pamphlets out all the way down.

  3. I love this one! Man, I wish I had more time to drop by. I think I need to put your RSS feed on my site 🙂

  4. Did you hear about Pastor Godric Alleson?

    http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1701462.html

    Apparently, his faith was sufficiently strong that he was able to be carried away suffering only minor injuries – he ruptured his spleen and broke both legs. That, or the fact that the rest of the congregation jumped first and provided a not inconsiderable amount of padding from the cold, unyielding ground.

  5. I hate to break it too you, Max Power, but this little story of yours is not funny. I dont even think that Max Power is your real name, more like Minimum Power HA! What are you hiding from that your so afraid of? Jesus?
    Anyway, this hatefull retoric of yours will cause good Christians to riot just like the Muslims did over the Muhammad cartoon. And when they do, I hope the mob comes to your town and sends you straight to hell where you belong.
    Try writing a funny story about the Satan fires that burn flesh but do not consume it. I’ll read that, while you suffer thru eternity for your sins.

    Peace be with you,

  6. ^^^
    WTF mate?

    I think that comment was a little bit overbboard.

    I didn’t know we could get christian supremists. Next thing we know, they’re suicide bombing the jewish, or Bhuddists, well anyone that doesn’t belive in God or Jesus… but hey, I have nothing against them.

    It does bother me a little bit that the guy in the picture doesn’t have a shadow on the ground…. maybe this is the work of JESUS.

    Oh PRAISE THE LORD!

    -_-U

    Forget I wrote that.

    Interesting article to read.

    -jessc

  7. Hey, a satire about hell…mabey that Danish newspaper will finally publish my works.

    Ohh and jessc, Jesus has no power over shadows, thats Peter Pans domain. (or a shotty photoshop job from Recipher), either way, not Jesus.

  8. I’m not the one who has gone overboard here. I follow the word of the lord. The indesputable truth of the King James Bible. That is the only truth, all those other religions can only save themselves from hell by accepting Jesus as their personal savior. Max Power has JOKED about our lord and for that he is condemmed to hell. HA! Whose laffing now funny guy?

    I pray for the rest of your souls

  9. Being an ordained minister, I officially give the BlueDamage gang my blessing. After all, if we can’t laugh at ourselves, can’t we at least laugh at guys like ReligiousRight024?

  10. Yeah right, one of those false internet ministers I’m sure. Try giving my PC an exorcism Mr. Internet Minister, its acting like its posessed.
    HA! SWISH!

    As I said, I follow the one true word of the King James Bible. There is no other possible way to be if you want everlasting life. Repent now and accept Jesus into your hearts I emplore you. Except you Mr. Max Power, keep up with your liberal psyco-satires and burn in hell for your sins.

    Peace be with you,
    ReligiousRight024

  11. “Keep up with the liberal psyco-satires”

    Sounds like I have a new fan Recipher, send her a T-shirt from our Cafepress site. (make it something sexy)

    Max

  12. Yes of course, make it one of our sexy pink tank tops with the sexy llama on it. We want our religiousright girl to look her best.

  13. ha ha ha, so funny I forgot to laugh. I know what your trying to do and it wont work on me. I never once said I was a girl and you know that. Keep it up funny guys because I always get the last laugh. I can’t wait to see the look on your face when Saint Peter stops you at the Curly Gates and boots your ass to hell. I cant wait.

  14. Curly Gates? Is that Bill’s Stooge brother?

    What’s funny about you is the fact that you sling the KJV around like hashbrowns at the Waffle House, yet your belief in St Peter controlling the gates of Heaven is based on Catholicism. The Roman church does not use the KJV. Could you point out where in the KJV that it states that St Peter (or any mention of Saints for that matter) controls the ‘Curly Gates?’

    You know why Baptists won’t make love standing up? Its because they’re afraid people will think they’re dancing……

  15. Yes, I will tell you. But first, I never wrote “Curly”, one of you guys must be messing with my posts to try and make me look stupid.

    Also I must remind you that ALL Christianity stems from Catholicism. As much as Babtists, Lutherans, and Calvinists hate to hear it, its true. The shared heritage began with Catholics.

    And as to where the KJV (King James Version) alludes to the Pearly Gates, its near the back. Smart ass

    Peace be with you all,
    ReligiousRight024

  16. So you are saying that the mooslim’s stem from Catholicism?

  17. Well my friend, I did not say that at all and I would appreciate it if you do not put words in my mouth, words like CURLY! But it is a true statement that you made. Muhammad was born around 570 A.D. so its obvious that Christianity played a major role in his thinking. DUH!

    I’m speaking for everyone when I say that you guys have gone too far. Stop now and repent for your sins, ask Christ for forgiveness and you will recieve it. I assure y ou that you three are the only ones who find this stuff amusing. Everyone else is just as horrified as Mother and me.

    I hate you Max Power,
    ReligiousRight024

  18. Isaac is a Scientologist, a cult that was started by a drunken bar bet and written on a napkin. I am one of Christ’s children, a cult that has been around since before time began. I think I win.

    I would say that Max Power and Recipher remind me of Trey Parker and Matt Stone, but they only make people angry not laugh.

    Max is going straight to hell,
    ReligiousRight024

  19. I hereby eBaptize ReligiousRight024 into the Church of the SubGenius. Welcome to the family, Bob!

  20. SHALOM! ReligiousRight024, when is the circumcision?
    (good for sanitary reasons too)

    I Love You RR024, you broke my heart but I love you. Come back home. You can bring your mother this time, I promise I wont hit her.

  21. I’m laughing my ass off at this whole thing. You can’t laugh at yourself and you pretty much have no sense of humor. Your god had a sense of humor, he made the platypus didn’t he? and i dance *dances* and says goddamn

  22. Believe me I can laugh at a good joke. Like the Devil sitting on a tack. But you non-believers burning for your sins is no joke. Read John 3:16 and understand the truth of it.

    Max, you’re just a dumb ass who is condemnded to hell.

    ReligiousRight024

  23. News for you ReligiousRight, the NKJ verison of the Bible is NOT the one true, indisputable Word of God. It was translated by everyday men who were biased for a king they did not want to offend. I am a Christian, and I do believe that Christ is the only way to Heaven and that the Word of God is His letter to us. However, we are imperfect beings and the NKJ was written by imperfect beings, and yes, the translation can be disputed. They got the general gist, but to say that it was writtent that way by God himself is not true.

    Second, do you realize you are laughing at a fallen brother (so you judge)? How Christ-like is it of you of you to LAUGH at someone’s eternal soul being damned? Paul himself, before his conversion, cursed and condemned the name of God, laughed in His face and forsook Him, and look where he ended up: being one of the greatest missionaries of all time. Section B of point 2: who are you to condemn another man?

    Lastly, while Max Power’s jests may be a little over-the-top, he’s got a point. I don’t know if to what he is referring is even true, or if it’s just an analogy he conjured, but fanatical Christians today do that sort of thing. We think we are relying on the power of Christ to save us from something stupid, in hopes of PROVING to others and MAKING them physically SEE the power and intervention of Christ, when that goes against the idea of faith. Faith is believing and not seeing.

    Max Power, you’ve got a point.
    Whoever said this above, yes, we as people, and even as Christians, should be able to laugh at ourselves.
    ReligiousRight, I agree with you also. Christ should not be taken lightly, nor should the life he has given us, or even the opportunity for enternal life he has mercifully bestowed upon us. However, even God has a sense of humor. And, being make in the image of God, so do we. Use yours sometime.

  24. So you agree with me that they have blasphemed, taken the Lords name in vain, and joked about Christ our Lord. These actions condem them to hell. I take no joy in that fact. At first I thought I could save their souls. Now I am content to watch these funny guys destroy their everlasting soul a little more with each and every post.

    Dont listen to Max,
    ReligiousRight024

  25. “Sin” is the most common Biblical term for the wrongdoings you mentioned. You might be familiar with it, because, as I’m sure you know, “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” (Romans 8:28)
    I’m sure you’ve sinned in your life, also, which condemned you to Hell as well. You’ve said that you accepted Christ, which is your redemption. You accuse they have not. The only thing different between you and them is you’ve accepted a gift that they have not. You’re still just as “terrible” as they, for you are a sinner also. Christ saved you just as he offers salvation to everyone. You’re not better than anyone else, nor do you deserve Hell less than anyone else, and you shouldn’t think so.

    Lastly, you said, “I thought I could save their souls.” Last I knew, God was the only one who could do that.

    Good night.

  26. Yes, all men are sinners. Even you must admit that there is a difference between a good Christian who sins and repents and these vulgar animals that sin and laugh about it.

    St Tomas Aquinas said that all sin is an aversion from God. A sin, therefore, is the greater the more it separates man from God. And the heresy on this website is the worst sin ever because they are glorifying atheists.

    Oh, by the way, your quote is from Romans 3:23, not 8:28. No wonder you think these idiots have a point, your bible is full of typos. HA! SLAM DUNK!

    Go to a real church.

    Max, I hope all your fingers break,
    ReligiousRight024 OUT!!!

  27. Granted, wrong reference but it’s because of a bad memory, not a bad Bible.
    Yes, there is a difference between a Christian and a non-Christian. One is saved and one is not. And, I don’t care what Sir Thomas Aquinas said. He bears no weight on the eternal life of a person. Yes, sin is aversion from God, but to God, all sins are the same. Whether I lie to my parents about who broke the vase, or whether I rape and kill my parents is no different in God’s eyes. No where in the Bible does it say that “if you only tell one lie in your whole life, you just get a little bit of Hell, but if you cross THIS line, you’re in the worst depths!” Sin is sin to God. All sin is condemned, and God does not favor one sin over another.
    God does divide the saved and the unsaved on their judgement day, though.
    What would you call a “real church”?
    I really don’t think you believe what you’re saying, anyway.
    Back to studying for exams. Have a good week. :o)

  28. Did I hear you correctly? You say that lieing about a broken vase and raping killing your parents is no different. Christ have mercy I understand now. Your just Max with a different name trying your best to make me look stupid. Guess what smart guy, you had me for a while but your plan didn’t work. So ha ha, I caught you.
    Stuffed you! I shoot a 3 pointer at the buzzer to win the game!!!

    Can’t you see that Gore as President would have been worse than another 9/11,
    ReligiousRight024

  29. It’s all fun and games until we start calling each others existence into question.

    What if we’re all just observing shadows dancing across a cave wall?

    Max Power OUT!!!

  30. hey max power
    max kickarse here..nice article…i think the following comments were funnier though

  31. Thank you sir, that is the idea, sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. We also use these comments to try to break down people who take themselves too seriously and rebuild them in our own jaded pessimistic image.

    You see max kickarse, we are a serious interweb news organization dedicated to bringing our readers a level of in depth coverage that can no longer be found in the traditional mediums. If this site was a joke we would tell people, probably near the top of the page.

    Until the aliens eat our brains,
    Max Power

  32. aludard, Grim, Max, all you guys keep up the good work.
    Soon with your help we will win this war then I’ll rape God so hard in the ass she’ll really regret kicking me out of that apartment.

  33. Fantastic test! I think it should be practiced by more people with faith. Otherwise, what faith is that? If people don’t jump it means they don’t have faith. It’s a perfect test, I’m telling you. It should be mandatory!

  34. LMFAO!!!!! I read the article and the comments and OMG that is the funniest crap on the web I have seen for a long time. I even bookmarked it as “Retarded Evangelist Gets Pwned in Debate-thing”!!! HA!! I understand and fell great pity and contempt for RR024. First off, any disses involving christianity (unless it is dising Christianity) is lame. Just a fact. Second of all, telling people to go to hell is not something that a REAL christian would do. Third of all, i find it really improbable that somebody rally holding such radical right-wing and ignorant beleifs would be so stubborn. Anyone, regardless of their beleifs, would have dropped it a long time ago. Basically, either RR024 is someone who is just making fun of neo-evangelists, or is a pig-headed hypocrite as well a being whoever he/she/it says they are. Dude, you got served so many times, and all you could come up wit as a comeback were some crappy “you’re going to hell for that” junk. And you cant say I’M going to hell for this post cause i don’t beleive in hell. I figure that if i don’t beleive in a certain afterlife, there is no way i can go there. The only afterlife I beleive in is heaven, so that’s where i’m goin’. OOH! WHAT NOW, PUNK? Meh, wake me up when the apocolypse comes, I’ll repent later.

  35. Oh, and another thing, that response to LadyMeeth’s comment on sin and Aquinas was complately uncalled for, rude, and, oh, “your sould will burn for eternity for that sin”. Ooooh, scaaaary!

  36. if an atheist jumps off, physics can technically still save him
    (all this boron sulfide about jesus and god can’t help him)

  37. God doesn’t exist, were products of chemical and biological evolution.

  38. im…pretty…sure that hating other people and wishing them much pain and suffering…isn’t going to get you any closer to heaven, RR024…i on the other hand am not a hateful person. rather, i feel a deep ad nearly unexpressable pity for people like you who believe that issues like exploiting the environment, Iraqis, gays, women who need abortions because they can’t financially support a child, and people of different faiths using the same fucking lame excuse that it is God’s will that you commit such crimes. If God DOES exist, he will be so pissed at your type. Fox news SUCKS, too!

  39. well, so maybe I do hate you, RR024, but i usually dont hate people!!!

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