Star Wars 3 Sucks

Warning, spoilers!

The staff here at Blue Damage is very knowledgeable about the Star Wars series. Therefore, it is a shame to say that the majority of us were very unimpressed with Episode 3, Revenge of the Sith. Hands down, it was terrible and quite possibly the worst movie ever made. XXX, State of the Union was way better than this piece of shit movie. Here are the main reasons why Star Wars 3 Sucks.

First, there were little to no special effects in the movie. A movie like Star Wars should have some great eye candy, if based alone on the other episodes. After all, it was produced by the company Industrial Light and Magic, world renowned for amazing special effects. I guess I was wrong. The only thing that they did animate in this movie was Hayden Christensen (the kid who plays Padme). He did look real though.

Secondly, the plot doesn’t make any sense, here are the gaping anomalies. At the very end of the movie, where did Anakin Skywalker go? He just disappears from the plot, Lucas does nothing to give us the hints of his whereabouts! Who the hell is this Darth Vader fellow and where did he come from? A cameo appearance by Cher? Which genius came up with that? Also, most of us are still at a loss in regards to how and why Yoda turned into Chewbacca. So, Yodabacca can fly and fire lasers out of his eyes too? This is absolutely ridiculous, there are so many questions left unanswered. Everyone has to draw the line at the very beginning of the movie when the Storm Troopers begin to tap dance.

Last but not least, there was not one single lightsaber fight. Most viewers were really looking forward to seeing two sweaty man “joust” valiantly with phallic shaped weaponry. Star Wars fans love that kind of stuff. Nothing, not even a little dual. The only cool fight in the movie was when Obi-Wan Kenobi wrestled about with Estelle Getty for the title of Master Jedi. It was quite obvious who was going to win that anyway, Estelle had the upper hand with the whole “claw” thing.

For these reasons, Star Wars 3 sucks. Hard. Maybe George Lucas should seriously contemplate making any more movies ever again. Now he is starting to talk about making Star Wars 3 1/2 Return of the Sloth? We should boycott his ass.

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bluedamage

Do you ever stop to think about how lucky you are to be alive?

66 thoughts on “Star Wars 3 Sucks”

  1. Did you ever even see the movie? You are so far off its not even funny. I, the biggest star wars fan on the planet, possibly in the galaxy for that matter am completely offended by this garbage. I can’t believe that you would insult the rest of us who actually know and love chewbacca.

  2. Whatever… I can’t bring myself to watch this piece of foetid marketing propoganda after the diarrhea spewing of ads lately. If one is truly a fan of the series they would be offended by 2 predecessors to this latest installation in the saga. The 4th movie was basically a 2 hour toys-r-us commercial, and the 5th was no better than a sappier version of Titanic in space. The long and maudlin love scenes caused me to slumber through half of the movie. I did wake up for the brief scenes with Christopher Lee and the fights. I guess you don’t really need to care about anomalies or holes in the plot when a film has a budget for constant special effects.

  3. I don’t know. I will admit that these last three have had almost too much special effects, but, everything at least looked amazing. It does seem to have lost it’s vibe that it had in the three previous though. I love all 6 episodes, not equally of course.

    I will agree on the marketing of this movie, I want to punch Lucas in the face for that. Toys are one thing, but, fucking Burger King commercials? Plot holes, yeah. Trust me I know. It’s still a good movie though, better than 90% of other movies that come out. I did expect more from this one though.

    Oh noes, I’ve got to go back under my guise of the ignorant Star Wars fanatic for no one will flame me if they know this is a joke!

    /hides

  4. All the hat0rs. I love it when people agrue over the Internet…

    “DuDe Did YoU EvEn SeE tHe MoViE?!?!”

    Fucktwats, it’s called sarcasm.

  5. Define sarcasm. I think it is definitely just stupidity to claim that there are no lightsabers in the movie. I have seen the movie 4 times now since it has been out and there are a ton of fights. This guy just doesn’t have any idea what he is talking about, and neither do you!! Im not boycotting Lucas, I am boycotting this website!

  6. Even though it was my #1 FAVORITE OF ALL 6,
    halfway finished my “post-STARWARS” bong session I’m
    thinking …”Wasn’t Christopher Walken spoazta play SYFUR
    DIAS???????????????????”

  7. This movie doesn’t have dialoge. Only fights. And it looks like a PS2 game. I hated it. I want my money back. I can’t even figure out how to start critisizing this movie. I could be home doing laundry, and it would be more fun. I hate hollywood, they can’t make movies anymore. You can’t be politically correct and make movies. Hollywood must understand this. They should look at the past and think about why the good movies were good movies. Anyone remember Rambo First Blood Part I&II, Aliens 2, Bladerunner, Predetor I, Dirty Harry? What happened to you HOLLYWOOD!!!! You are not making movies anymore. I don’t want to see sfx, I want plot! I want characters! I want characters with politically incorrect views!

  8. Maybe we should all just start reading books again. Movies are good for mindless fun and eating Dots as you watch. Really, that’s what they’re for for the most part. Though there are really good things to watch out there…movies, cable and otherwise. You just have to look for them…. I have a good friend who maintains that good stuff is out there (music, literature, film-wise), you just have to work harder to find it. I’ve been really enjoying that series called the “Wire.” wicked and gritty stuff..that’s more than your obvious cop drama, where you sympathize with the plight of the villains as well as the protagonist, and at times you see the hero as less than human. That’s life.

  9. What the fuck is this shit. Good God the author of this retarded topic has no fucking idea what his talking about. If I knew who are I’d beat over the head with your own monitor, and shove that keyboard of yours up your candy ass.

    Tell me are you one of those 36 year old nerds who still live in their parent’s basement.

  10. Hey idiots. Look at the top of this page: “fake news. distorted satire. sex llamas’.

  11. I can’t believe how thick some of you people are!

    *sigh*

    Unfortunately, the internet gives everyone a voice.

  12. I get the intro post, its sarcasm. Pretty funny:

    I thought the movie sucked. The acting was terrible. There was absolutely no chemistry between Padme and Pussboy. There was no credible acting amongst the main characters. It was just filler between light saber battles.

    I want my Vader back. In 1970-something the baddest mo-fo in the galaxy was created and tormented the rebels for 3 awesome movies. Now i am supposed to accept that this badass is actually a little oedipalistic pussboy missing his mommy for all eternity? No No No.

    I want my money back and I will now forget Episodes I II and III ever existed. Forever STAR WARS, EMPIRE, and JEDI. Movies where acting came first and the puppets, second.

    Oh yeah, chasing Grevious on a giant salamander? What the FUCK?

  13. True true…III may be the worst movie ever made. Why?…How do you drop the ball on the most heavily anticipatd moment in Film History, The birth od Darth Vader. It all falls apart when this (up til now likeable guy) kills a room full of Jedi-kids in Jedi daycare because of a dream that doesnt come true anyway. Wimpy cop out crap…muddy, red herring horse doo doo. If you want to go there you have to kill her then at least. WOW it sucked. And how about those effen buzz droids.. weren’t they fun?

  14. cant you see he is saying that just to piss people off and get a reaction. i am sure he is a star wars fan and he just wants some attention. plus how stupid can you be? “who is this darth vader guy?” i mean you cant believe he is actually that dumb… wow people he is just being a prick!

  15. HOW CAN STARWARS III SUCK IT WAS THE BEST U WOULD HAVE TO BE A RETARD NOT TO LIKE THIS ONE!

  16. Then I guess I am retarded for feeling cheated by 3 pre-quels that had the potential of LOTR but ended up less entertaining than the Police Academy movies.

    The original trilogy had acting and emotion. This piece of crap was a video game with intermittent “acting” pauses.

    Of couse George Lucas will make a ba-zillion more dollars in late 05 when all these movies are repackaged for sale as the sextilogy or something. Not getting my money Georgie Boy, You already owe me 25.00 for Ep 1-3.

    Kids like this crap because they do not know any better.

  17. I agree it really suck balls, all the new ones are shit. One the acting, it was like watching a made for SCI-FI movie. Whats with the Droids they sounded like people on helium and acted like pansy ass nerds, ( sorry, you welcome) what the F$#K. I never know Aliens speak the same language, oh what the don’t ( in the first 3 they added subtitles to understand them) but now they all talk the same language. And the fight seen between Yoda and
    the Emperor did give enough justest for Yoda to run away, what you fall down and thats it, give up what kind of Jedi are you, ass.
    The storys work but why oh why did Lucas direct, he can’t doesn’t he see that.

  18. Episodes 123 suck so bad, they make 456 suck even worse. Obi wan as old as he is in episode 4 remembers everything else but can’t remember ever owning a droid. And in Episode 5 as a ghost, he forgot Luke has a twin, saying to Yoda on Dagobah: “That boy is our last Hope” R2D2 flies in 123, but falls into a jawa trap in 4, falls into a swamp in 5, and falls off Jabbas ship & into the desert sand in 6. Leia somehow remembers her real mom in 6 and tells Luke, on the moon of Endor, how kind, beautiful & sad she was. “God-Lucas” seemed to forgot that line & made Pademe die shortly after giving birth to them. The death of Luke & Leia’s mom now makes Return of the Jedi the biggest bummer of all 6 movies. For years we thought Leia knew her real mom, now it turns out she never did. So Vader gets to slaughter children, and still go to “Jedi Heaven” & Luke & Leia’s mom is a forgotten person

  19. Although the storyline in 456, acting, and dialogue are far superior, the new effects in 123 make the old classics trilogy look rediculas & laughable. We’re supposed to believe Luke lived in the future yet all the ships in his time look like they came from junkyards. I can’t even watch the old ones and take the saber fights seriously. Vader and Obi wan now look like 2 decrepid old men playing with their swords. “God-Lucas” should add a quick scene showing them slip a viagra pill into their sword handles before dueling when he releases the “extra-special-edition” versions of 4,5&6.

  20. “God-Lucas” ruined his Holy Trilogy with these 3 flicks. Episodes 123 have a storyline that makes no sense and does not line up with his original storyline at all. The actors don’t act, there is no substance in the so-called “dialogue” and the aliens are just annoying. Episodes 456 suck now because the special affects look rediculas and painfuly uninteresting compared to the new movies. Now it’s just all just a big mess.

  21. YOUR ON DRUGS YOU FUCKING IDIOT STAR WARS ROCKS .. YOU FAG SEE THE MOVIE BEFORE YOU SAY IT SUCKS ASS HOE..

  22. You’re lying. What about the anal sex? Based on that fact alone,
    it is the best movie I have seen yet!!!!

  23. you always talk about the negatives, what about the good parts of the movie?

  24. WORST EPISODE EVER– I saw it and i want my money back- A complete piece of crap and I like Starwars, but these first 3 movies are heartbreaking, If i was lucas i would be embarrassed

  25. Anyone notice how all the buzz has died, like it was out for a couple of weeks and now…S I L E N C E.

  26. Episode 3 sucked arse big time! Actually ruins the original trilogy for me. I mean, how can anyone EVER take Darth Vader seriously again? His ‘transformation’ to the dark side is complete crap and totally unbelievable and he ends up coming across as a whining brat of a teenager who didn’t get his way. Nope, not buying it. Definitely a waste of $10!!

  27. The original person who started this comment is an idiot, a disgrace to StarWars, someone with a dilapidated brain ho either did’nt see the movie,saw a cheap mockup of the movie, or is an enemy of George Lucas. Sure it had it’s downs but what film does’nt. When did Yoda fuse with Chewbacca. Who the Hell is Estelle Getty, Obi-Wan was Jedi Maser from the beggining. Hayden Christensen plays Anakin Skywalker not Padme, I’ll tell you who does that Natalie Portman does. I’ll name fourlightsaber duels Anakin-Count Dooku, Obi-Wan-Grievous, Yoda-Sidious and Anakin-Obi-Wan. No Anal Sex. screw you.

  28. Uh, hate to tell you Christian, I’ve seen the movie countless times… so many times, I can’t even count how many. Times. You obviously haven’t seen the movie yet. Please come back when you have idiot face.

  29. Obviously Christian misses the point of satire, sarcasm, irony, comedy, puns, and any other concept that is not based in prose realism.

  30. It’s quite amazing huh Jason? I still can’t figure out if all of those types of comments are jokes, or, are people really this dense?

  31. Starwars 3 sucked huge balls. All you fans out there can’t answer any real questions or problems with the movie because ur to busy eating george lucas’ shit pile.

  32. Star Wars, Shmar Moores! Spaceballs totally pwnz ALL 6 Star Bores movies! And I’d still like to kick Lucas’ ass for not using Bill Murrays rendition of the Star Wars theme for I-III….

  33. The next person to say “Omifucking gawd didjew evereven see teh movei and iif so why not you love in the mouth” is goona get stabbed in the jaw!

  34. Somebody get these morons off my internets. I saw all 10 Star Wars movies, and I guarantee all of the above article is true.

  35. I agree: the movie SUCKED hairy balls of a monkey that hasn’t shaved in ages and still liicks his own peepee…

  36. ^^^
    Uhh… that last comment was really…… strange.
    I think recipher is pretty intelligent.
    You’re all debating whether or not Star Wars III sucked. Or whether the whole series sucked.
    Well, I think you need something better to do, like read every one else’s comments and decided if you are making a fool out of yourself or not…?

    The only thing I enjoy is reading all your comments. Some of you take this so seriously, but then again, you’re probably supposed to.
    Keep up the great work recipher.

    I look forward to many more insults and plenty of sarcasm.

    -jessc

  37. hahaha… yodabacca made me laugh out loud so many times i started to cry… but here’s what i love: “I R TEH GR8TEST STAR WARS FAN EVAR AND U R TEH SUXOR!112″… these crazed, ignorant fans… this is what happens when you completely market to a singled out demographic… star wars kids are worse than trekkies… at least trekkies have cool heros like leonard nimoy and george takei…

  38. I like Star WArs. It has so many boobs. Boobs are good. Anything that has lottsa boobs has to be good. YOu can’t argue with boobs.

  39. ^^^

    Agreed

    recipher is awesome cuz he can piss people off every time he posts.

    keep on keepin on

  40. This is a bunch of Bulls..t.
    There were several lightsaber battles in the movie.
    And Anakin Skywalker is darth vader.
    And who gave you the shitty idea that Yoda turned into Chewbacca.
    Your an ASSHOLE

  41. ^^ And star wars attracts alot of boobs as well. small and irritating boobs. Oh and George Lucas is a cunt. Not just your average cunt, but a warty, pus filled, fetid, crack whore’s cunt. Did I mention he’s a fat fuck-faced hack as well? Yes he is.

  42. Why, yes he did. My father’s name was S. T. Arwars. May he rest in peace, smothered in boobs.

  43. actually…
    i hate star wars all together..so i didnt watch it…at all.. didnt watch the others…
    but my cuzin said
    “star wars 3 was the dope bitch… it was the main shizzle!! so good i fell asleep… 5 seconds into the movies.!!”
    im dead serious.. those were his exact words…cept…his gangsta linogo has much to be desired lol…

    koryy

  44. I dont get it…whats Star Wars? Is that codeword for Osama Bin ladin? Because i know the United States are in war…but what does the stars have to do with it?

  45. Btw, i must say..some of you are complete morons, and i give alot of credit to reciper for stiring up this much bullshit….ITS ALL FUCKING FAKE, THE WHOLE ARTICAL WAS TO WATCH YOU (A BUNCH OF MORON STARWARS GEEKS) ARGUE ABOUT THE TRUTH OF STARWARS…And those of you who agreed with reciper, only agreed to sound fucking smart, as if you know something…no one turned into anyone, and the movie was fine..w.e just another movie….recipers job is to fuck with you guys and get you to write a whole shit load of bs and argue..well, he did his job well..He knew that awhole bunch of you fags would start complaining and freaking out, because starwars is one of those finatic things you dont mess with cause all hell will break loose…FUCK! you guys are complete morons…go get a job, do something..give back to ur economies, and enjoy life…ffs.

  46. i love star search! remember that episode of full house where joey had to “star wars” against steve oedekerk? it was pretty awesome. joey did his whole popeye voice thing and steve oedekerk did this thing with his arms that was weird…

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